The Master of my Fate, The Captain of My Soul

When I was nine years old, my dad took a sabbatical (and brought the whole family with him) to Johannesburg, South Africa.

After all of these years I can still recall certain vivid memories of that time. Decades before apartheid ended, in 1971 on a professor’s salary, our family of seven lived in Joburg. We had a modest white stucco house surrounded with a small fresh green lawn, protected by big white wall wrapping around us that made me feel safe.

The house also ‘came with’ a stout African woman with glowing skin and bright eyes whose name was Eselena. She only spoke Zulu and lived she in a small hut behind the house. I remember her floor was dirt and she created newspaper pieces to wallpaper her walls. Her little home often smelt of lamb as she loved to cook. She let me come and be with her in her space.

She was meant to be our maid but our mom only asked her help with the laundry and occasionally babysit. I remember on Sunday mornings she made us home-made french fries. I loved the warm and cozy feeling Eselena brought to our family. If my parents went out for the evening, after we were all tucked in bed, I would peak out and see her lying down in our entry, blocking the front door, to offer her body as protection for us.

More memories

I remember walking to school with my older brother and sister in our school uniform, summer straw hat or winter wool beret. And then after school stoping at the corner store on the way home to pick up an afternoon snack of crisps, the flavors salt and vinegar and prawn cocktail were my favorite. Munching away while sitting on a bench that was marked, “white’s only”. Drinking from a water fountain only for a white girl to quench her thirst from the salty snack. I didn’t comprehend. It was the way it was, and at 9 years old, I knew life was much different here, than my home in America, but I didn’t understand the why.

Ron and I watched the movie Invictus last night. We’ve seen it before but I enjoyed it again so much. It brought up lots of emotions that whispered for me to write about the feelings I shared above.

If you are not familiar with the film, I suggest you watch it. The story is based on the 2008 John Carlin book Playing the Enemy: Nelson Mandela and the Game That Made a Nation. It’s about the events in South Africa before and during the 1995 Rugby World Cup at the end of apartheid. Nelson Mandela is president and the book/now movie explains how he strategically uses the rugby team to heal a nation of South African people.

The poem Invictus, has also inspired me. It was written in the late 1800’s—published on my birthday (some 150 years earlier), that makes me feel a special connection.

Read more INVICTUS A POEM TO INSPIRE

Just as I experienced this unthinkable segregation in my childhood days, I also remember Eselena as a pleased woman. Her constant humming, bright smile and contented manner never made me question her sense of her self. Obviously she made an impact on me as a child as I am still able to recall these positive feelings today. In essence, the poem’s message is that no matter what life brings us, we are always the master of our fate and the captain of our soul.

A new direction

For the past year life has taken a turn for all of us. Truewellbeing has not been able to offer in person retreats. It led me to look for the silver-lining and re-focus my energy in a new direction.

With the same ethos as my childhood memories, I have created a new accessible way to provide you with the same retreat material but now in a digital workbook series, to be used in your own time and at your own pace.

You are so capable. So worthy of being the master of your fate, and to create a life that feels you are the captain of your soul; to live a meaningful, healthier and happier life is in your hands.

DIGITAL WORKBOOK SERIES